'News Media Coverage of the 2007 National Elections'

At last I got my copy of CMFR's latest study, "News Media Coverage of the 2007 National Elections."

Thanks, guys. I know, I know, this is my second copy. I gave the first copy to my boss. I hope you will be sending other media executives their own copies.

You would be happy to know that there's a temporary stoppage (at least five minutes) of work every time we in the newsroom receive a copy of CMFR publications, especially the PJR Reports.

There is always a moment of silence, then ohhhs and ahhhhs, when editors and deskpersons scan the Reports. Your "star and kalabasa" ratings section always gets the desk's attention and, I believe, is the most read part of the publication.

I hope your latest study will get the same attention from journalists, especially from media top guys.

I scanned the book and was impressed by the diligence you had in making the study. (The annexes are more reader-friendly compared to the annexes of the 2004 report, which were mostly statistics.)

Of course, there were some minor data that your researchers might have overlooked, but I'm sure the study will inspire journalists and media executives in planning and implementing future coverage.

Tama na muna ang pambobola, babasahin ko pa ang buong libro.

'no pain, no gain'

I woke up sore all over. My feet were aching, My legs too. I did not want to leave the comfort of my bed. But, to hell, let me experience more.

I did it again early in the morning. I did three rounds in just an hour. (No, I'm not talking about sex here.)

I ran, I walked, while Buklod was playing on my second-hand Nano ipod. (I know, I know, it has only 2Gigs, pero mababaw lang kaligayahan ko. Aside from classical music and alternative songs, wala naman akong alam na ibang awitin.)

I'm planning to make five rounds tomorrow.

At last I did it

Yup, I did it. I know my dear friend would be happy to know that I did it.

I woke up at 7 a.m. drove to the academic oval for a jog and a dose of fresh air. I lasted more than an hour, after which I had a cone of durian ice cream.

The last time I jogged around the campus was with a friend who ran a few meters and declared that she had enough. She then started a leisurely stroll before deciding that she was already tired and had enough exercise.

Great baby!

war, bomb explosions, what's next?

A bomb has just exploded in Zamboanga City's Plaza Pershing while an assault against Abu Sayyaf bandits in nearby Basilan island is ongoing.

What's next?

The bishop of Basilan has already signified his support for the military operation.

The military has been rearing to go to war to avenge the death of their comrades.

Some journalists are covering the conflict from afar.

What's the picture on the ground. What are the stories of the soldiers in the front line? What's happening inside the huts and homes of Muslim and Christian farmers caught in the middle of the firefight?

These are stories that need to be written.

Pagkatapos ng bagyo

Dumaan din ang bagyo. Sana naanod na lahat na kitikiti at lamok na may dengue.

Dumaan na nga ang bagyo, pero mas malakas naman na bagyo ang kinakaharap ng mga tao sa Basilan.

Hindi tubig ang bumabaha doon. Dugo. Hindi ulan ang pumapatak doon. Bomba at tingga.

Kailan kaya matatapos ang gera sa Basilan? Kailan kaya mananahimik ang kagubatan doon?

Fun with Neil Gaiman

After enjoying Neil Gaiman's "Smoke and Mirrors" and "Neverwhere" several months ago, I've started just this afternoon "American Gods."

I have only read the first chapter and aside from getting excited, I'm laughing my head off. The story about a man being swallowed by a woman's vagina was "too Filipino" a joke.

"This is what he sees:

"He is inside her to the chest, and as he stares at this in disbelief and wonder she rests both hands upon his shoulders and puts gentle pressure on his body.

"He slips further inside her."

"... He feels the lips of her vulva tight around his upper chest and back, constricting and enveloping him...."

"...Her labia pull slickly across his face, and his eyes slip into darkness."

I miss a dear friend who used to laugh with me when we come across books we love. Wherever you are, I will share Neil Gaiman with you someday.

it's over

to all those who prayed for my daughter's recovery, thank you very much.

she is already out of the hospital after her blood pressure normalized and her platelets count stabilized at 180 early today.

thank you very much to all who wished her well.

dengue

thanks to ms i and to all the friends who prayed for ms s' immediate recovery. i'm touched by all your prayers. thanks too to my muslim friends in marawi, iligan, basilan and sulu who offered their prayers.

my dear daughter is still in the hospital trying to make her platelets count rise to normal. her blood pressure has already started to go back to normal with the help of the supplementation of intravenous fluids.

she started to have fever tuesday last week. by wednesday and thursday her temperature reached 45 degrees. i looked for rashes on her body. there was none. i looked for blood in her urine and stool. there was none. she said she just feel sleepy but had no headache. she had no appetite but she did vomit even once. i thought it was just an ordinary fever.

the fever was gone on saturday. we even went around the university of the philippines on sunday for a walk. on sunday afternoon she complained that her feet were itching. in the evening the rashes came out. it was good that i brought her immediately to the hospital. her blood pressure and platelets count were already very low.

everybody's prone to dengue. alfie, a kci member, stayed in the hospital for two weeks before he recovered from the virus. a three-year old daughter of a friend died of the virus. joega's daughter was hospitalized for a week.

there's no medicine or vaccine against the virus. what the doctors do is just monitor the blood pressure, get blood samples twice a day to check the platelets count, feed the patient with intravenous fluid if one is not eating, and that's it. there's nothing that can be done but wait.

mobile blogging

this is a test blog from a nokia 5700 done from the er of st luke's hospital while waiting for ms s cbc

When things seem fine, something has to come up. This i learned from being a journalist.

So when i was all set to fly to the visayas, my dear s has to be rushed to the hospital.

I've been trying to post this entry for the fifth time to prove that even in the midst of unpredictable moments one can do and learn something new.

Let's see if this will work, baby.

Thanks Matthew, Stacy

Two of the most accessible people at the US Embassy here in Manila will finish their tour of duty in the Philippines this month.

Matthew Lussenhop, First Secretary and Embassy spokesman, and Stacy MacTaggert, who has been described also as Embassy spokesman in some news reports (Sorry Stacy, you forgot to give me your card so I don’t know your official designation), are going back to Washington for, well, more job.

Mat and Stacy have been very accessible to the media during their short stint in the country. I remembered greeting Matthew a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year even as I have to quiz him late in the night about the whereabouts of the US Marine who was accused of raping a Filipino woman in Subic.

I remembered teasing Mat during a welcome dinner for him three years ago if he was that tough to face the Philippine media. He just smiled and said he's ready to learn.

A friend, who was with me at the dinner, told Mat that every US Embassy information officer will leave the Philippines with an unforgettable experience - like the departure of the US Bases in 1991, the plot to kill the Pope and the US President during the Apec summit in 1997, the kidnapping of American nationals, the war against the Abu Sayyaf, etc.

Mat said he hopes there would be no such incidents during his tour of duty. Unfortunately for him there was the Subic Rape case issue.

It’s a tough job for Mat and Stacy especially when working with critical media practitioners in the country who are not that easy to please and who rejoice in digging every juicy detail especially when a story involves Americans.

Nice job, guys. Thanks for being such good sports! Good luck in your next assignment.

'Learning from Harry'

Good will always triumph over evil, ika nga.

Isa lamang 'yan sa mga mensahe ng nobela ni J.K. Rowling tungkol sa buhay ng isang batang ang pangalan ay Harry Potter.

Katatapos ko lang basahin ang ika-pito at huling aklat ng tinaguriang Harry Potter series. Sampung taon ko ring sinubaybayan ang kwento ng batang may angking kapangyarihan ng mahika.

Subalit, higit sa mga pagsubok na kinaharap ni Harry Potter at sa mga natuklasan niyang sikreto sa buhay habang nasa Hogwarts, nakagiliwan ko ring pag-aralan ang buhay ng iba't-ibang mga tauhan sa aklat.

Pilit kong inintindi at inabangan ang paglalahad ng buhay ni Tom Marvolo Riddle na sa kalauna'y naging si Lord Voldemort. Bakit siya naging masama? Sabi nga ng isang akda: "It is difficult to know how much 'nature' rather than 'nurture' contributed to Riddle's personality."

Isipin nyo nga naman, pinatay ni Tom Riddle ang kanyang ama na si Tom Riddle Sr. at ang kanyang lolo't lola na si Thomas at Mary Riddle. Bakit niya nagawa ito?

Ambisyon at kasakiman sa kapangyarihan ang nagtulak kay Tom, mga katangiang makikita natin sa maraming tao sa ating lipunan kung hindi man sa pamahalaan.

Gusto ni Tom Riddle na maging guro ng "Defense Against the Dark Arts" sa Hogwarts, pero hindi siya nagtagumpay. Gusto niyang maging "immortal" at maghari sa sanlibutan subalit nahadlangan ang ambisyon niya ng isang batang ang hangad lamang ay hanapin ang sarili at gawin ang tama.

Isa rin sa mga tauhang may natatanging misyon sa buhay si Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore. Ano ang mga sikretong dala niya hanggang sa hukay? Anong klaseng tao ang gumagamit ng kapwa matupad lamang ang gusto niyang makamit o mangyari.

Sino naman si Severus Snape? Isa ba talaga siyang masamang tao o biktima lamang ng pag-ibig? Napakaganda ng "love story" ni Snape na pati si Harry Potter ay namangha. Meron pa kayang mga Severus Snape sa ating paligid na handang mag-alay ng lahat sa ngalan ng pag-ibig?

Maraming aral na makukuha sa pagsusubaybay sa buhay ni Harry Potter. Alam kong liban sa akin, at kay Pat na nagpahiram sa akin ng "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," marami pa ang "nabaliw" sa kakaabang kung ano ang mangyayari kay Harry at kay Voldemort.

Sa mga 'di nakabasa ng libro, sana napanood n'yo ang pelikula.

Sana liban sa "adventure," may matutunan din tayo sa kwento. Baka kasi ma-take over na tayo ng mga kampon ni Lord Voldemort at pamumunuan na tayo ng "Death Eaters" kung hindi tayo maging mapagmatyag.

Busy days

I'm busy these days. I'm busy reading the latest Harry Potter book. I'm busy attending meetings and sharing ideas and experiences to people who want to listen.

How I wish I will have more time just hanging out with friends, or watching a movie late in the evening, or sharing a few rounds of beer with colleagues.

A friend of mine once said it was my choice, that I could have more time if I want to. Sometimes I wish she was right. Sometimes I wish that I could close my eyes and ears to what's going on around me. I wish that I am not in the business of receiving and sharing information.

How I wish that wealth is shared equitably in this world, that people can just spend time reading Harry Potter books late in the evening without worrying that one has to wake up early in the morning to rush to the office.

I imagined what if I did not leave my hometown, what if I did not dream of getting an education here in Manila. What if I stayed home and continued what I did best when I was young – chopping wood in the mountains, fetching water, planting rice, taking care of farm animals and climbing coconut trees for copra.

Life would have been different. I would have not known Harry Potter and his magical world. I would have not known how difficult it is to drive a car in Metro Manila. I would have not trusted people who later in life would have turn out to be the opposite of what they pretend to be.

Would life be simpler? Maybe not. Maybe I would have ended drinking tuba in the morning and in the afternoon, attending bayles and going home to my little hut in the wee hours of the morning under the waning light of the full moon.

There are no ifs and buts in life. Maybe the friend of mine was right. Life is what we make of it. So, my apologies for not updating my blog these days. I have to finish reading the latest Harry Potter book to have more time to scan the growing pile of New Yorker, Time and Newsweek on my desk.

Iwasto ang mali

Tagal ko na palang 'di nakapag-post dito. Next time, please also try my GMANews.TV blog for updates.

Siguro narinig n'yo na ang balita tungkol sa mga librong mali ang laman (lalo na ang Ingles) pero ipinamahagi pa rin ng Department of Education sa mga estudyante sa elementarya.

Heto ang ilan sa mga nakakatawang pagkakamali. Sige nga, subukan nyo ngang itama:

* Stop playing in your computer now.
* Be in the peak of health.
* The typhoon is moving in a northeasternly direction.
* Around the pool is an orientally-designed porch.
* I have seen some orchids in our neighbor’s botanical gardens.
* Some plants are self-planters. They plant their own seeds.
* I’m capable of being the best me I can.
* The city’s voice is soft like solitudes.
* I dipped my tired feet into a basin of water to soothe the ache and fret.
* Do animals move only when the wind blows? What animals don’t move when there is no wind but move when the wind blows?
* Take me to the water breaks.
* Rizal made himself famous as a writer.
* Stars seem to twinkle because they are very far away. There are dwarf stars. They are like people.
* We celebrate in February People Power. In April, we recall the Death March, Bataan’s fall. May is a month of cold showers. July is a month to remember our American friends forever. We remember a birthday in August, Quezon’s so well-loved and famous.
* You should always address the envelop and leave it open.
* The children felt the bridge under them falling.
* He found his friend clowning himself around.
* Sometimes the elephant becomes angry with Kim for fooling the animal around.
* God wants me for a sunbeam to shine for Him each day.
* Kiosk: a somewhat similar structure open at one or more sides used as a bandstand.
* He seemed to be waiting for someone, not a blood relation, much less a bad blood.
* In bullfighting, the bulls are not the ones which fight with each other. It is very dangerous to face a bull that has been played with.
* “Here’s for you!” the guard said while hitting Basilio.
* The bamboo whirled till it spun like a top then stood tall and graceful as a queen but the hardwood tree hit the wind with its bark.
* Our hopes and dreams are like fleeting birds at night. People are not made to float like a bird.
* Galileo invented a magnifying telescope to study the moon.
* We grow our hogs in our own farms so you’re sure to get meat that is grown.
* As the campers trek through the trail at the rainboat they’ll stop now and then. They had huffs and puffs.
* The farmer is hopeful that someday he will reap with joy.
* The high flagpole could be seen easily. During windy days, the flag flies so high it doesn’t drop. The national anthem sounds so high that we cannot reach the pitch.
* The daily policeman reports to his post in the morning. He stands straight watching the vehicles go by. Those who stop late for the red light are apprehended.
* The chicken was dressed. They stripped off her feathers, served her quite bare and everyone poked at her breast.
* Open door on back of camera, place film and close camera door.
* Choke: stop breath by blocking the windpipe. The baby was choke from eating biscuits.
* The bat licks itself like a cat; after washing up, it flies away.
* Not all mountains are made by wrinkles in the ground.
* God’s footsteps bulged the mountains up. God like morning bending over her baby kneeled down in the dust.
* Because you made a fool of me, you’ll get the greatest wrath. I’m afraid of the wrath of the stem.
* The lakes widdled down in the hollows of the ground.
* The hen walked coquetly.
* When he smells something foul, it makes him squirmish.
* The potato pursued a disapproving lip.
* Look at the sky at night. You see the moon and the stars. Then you see lightning flashes and you hear thunder before the downpour of rain. Why is the sky? And why is the sky?

Kapatirang Claretiano

Ilang saglit sa CDO, hapunan sa Manolo Fortich

Ang sarap ng steak sa Manolo Fortich sa Bukidnon. Ang kapal ng karne pero ang lambot. Siguro dahil pinya lang ang kinakain ng mga baka doon.

Ang ganda pa rin sa Mindanao, kahit na meron nang SM sa Cagayan de Oro. Malamig pa rin ang hangin, malayo pa rin ang naaabot ng mga mata habang bumibiyahe sa highway.

Masaya sa CDO lalo na gabi ng Biyernes at Sabado. Meron silang night market. Nakabili pa nga ako ng short pants at baseball cap sa ukay-ukay. May live band din at kainan at inuman. Sa isang piano bar naman ako nagpalipas ng oras.

Nakakalungkot lang na mukhang dumarami ang mga batang prosti at bugaw sa lansangan, lalo na malapit sa mga hotel at inn. Mukhang malaking problema itong dapat harapin ng local government at ng mga pulis.

Hindi nagdadala ng condom ang mga prosti sa CDO. Minsan daw kasi bigla na lang nagtsi-check ang mga pulis at hinuhuli ang mga batang babaeng may tinatagong condom.

Mukhang walang matandang prosti sa CDO. Panay mga bata. Sabi nga, 'di sila makapandaya na estudyante lang sila, karamihan kasi ay mukhang mga "pupil" lang.

Marami na ring dumadayong turista sa CDO. Sumisikat na ang river rafting at entry point na rin ang siyudad papuntang Camiguin, Iligan, Bukidnon at mga malalapit na mga bayan.

Ang swerte ni Bedol

Natapos din ang paghahanap kay Lintang Bedol, ang elections supervisor sa Maguindanao na ipina-aresto ng Comelec dahil sa hindi pagpapakita sa canvassing ng resulta ng eleksyon.

Nakita si Bedol sa Davao nitong nakalipas na linggo. Hindi naman daw siya sumuko, hindi naman daw nahuli.

Baka nga naman nakasalubong lang niya ang mga pulis na naghanap sa kanya at sumama na lang siyang kusa dahil gusto niyang mamasyal sa Maynila.

"Not guilty" ang sagot ni Bedol sa bintang na "indirect contempt" dahil sa hindi niya pagpapakita sa canvassing noong Mayo. Pansamantala siyang pinakawalan ng Comelec nitong Martes. Magastos naman kasi kung patuloy na maninirahan si Bedol sa hotel sa Maynila. P2,200 hanggang P2,700 ang bayad sa isang kwarto bawat gabi doon.

Comelec ang magbabayad sa kwarto ni Bedol. Sila kasi ang nagpahuli sa kanya. Sabi naman ng PNP, kung 'di kaya ng Comelec bayaran ang hotel, sila na lang daw ang sasagot sa gastos. PNP kasi ang humuli kay Bedol.

Swerte ni Bedol. Nakalibre siya ng tulog sa hotel at ng pamasahe sa eroplano mula Davao papuntang Maynila. Marami pa siyang badigard.

Naalala ko tuloy ang isang manunulat na hinuli dahil sa demandang libel. Kinuha siya sa kanyang opisina sa Ortigas, isinakay sa taxi papuntang Pasig kung saan ang istasyon ng pulis, nang bumaba na sa sasakyan, siya ang pinagbayad ng pulis ng pamasahe.

Pasensya na raw, sabi ng pulis, wala silang pera. Malas lang ng reporter. Siya na nga ang hinuli, siya pa ang pinagbayad ng pamasahe. Kung alam lang niya na siya ang magbabayad, sana nag-jeep na lang sila o kaya'y nag-traysikel.

Swerte talaga ni Bedol.

Pero, teka, papaano kaya siya uuwi sa kanila? May dala kayang pamasahe ang mama? O baka naman may bahay siya dito sa Maynila.

'Prison Break'

It's a story of childhood monsters coming back, haunting the present, an endless attempt to escape from oneself, from reality, failure to accept and reconcile with the past, an attempt at redemption, a story of love and betrayal.

I've spent several sleepless nights watching the "Prison Break" series. It was introduced to me by a dear friend months ago who lent me an incomplete DVD of the first season. I fell for it, its twists and turns, the action and the suspense, the thrill of the chase, the running, the escaping, including all the unbelievable scenes that can only happen in a movie.

After so many months, after the friend who introduced the series went missing (maybe to confront monsters or to get lost into oblivion), I finally saw the complete second season. I'm looking forward to watch the unfolding of the story.

What will happen at the Sona? What awaits Scofield? What 's in store for T-Bag (one the most interesting characters in the series, a criminal that everybody wants to hate, a victim of his past, an abused child, a monster that society - his family, neighbors, the system - helped create).

(By the way, what happens to the beloved friend who lent me the first season? I pray that my friend will survive the Sona, kill all the monsters, and come back with a wide smile and, maybe, bring me a complete copy of the next season. I will be waiting, with a warm embrace, even if it takes a while. The next season will still start this Fall. Hello...)

An incomplete bio of T-Bag follows from the series' official site:

THEODORE BAGWELL
ALIAS: T-Bag
BACK NUMBER: 89632
LOCATION: AT LARGE
CRIME: Six counts of Kidnapping, Rape and First Degree Murder, second degree murder, and aggravated assault, escape from a Federal Incarceration Facility
SENTENCE: Incarceration for the rest of his natural life
TIME LEFT ON SENTENCE: The rest of his natural life
ELIGIBLE FOR PAROLE IN: Inmate is not eligible for parole

NOTES:
Theodore Bagwell is one of the most dangerous predators at Fox River Penitentiary. Not surprisingly, he has barely known a life outside of confinement. After multiple citations for vandalism and cruelty to animals, a ten year old Bagwell was caught attempting to burn down the home of his fourth grade teacher and was sent to juvenile hall. It was there that Bagwell was first introduced to a white supremacist gang, known as the Alliance for Purity.

As Bagwell grew up, his crimes grew more serious, including assault with a deadly weapon and attempted murder. For these crimes, Bagwell was sentenced to Alabama’s Donaldson maximum-security prison where he immediately assumed a leadership position in the Alliance for Purity.

Upon Bagwell’s release four years ago, he immediately returned to a life of crime, and embarked on a rape and murder spree across Alabama that included several teenage victims and landed him on America’s Most Wanted, the popular television series. Once captured, Bagwell’s attorney petitioned for Bagwell to be incarcerated out of state, for fear of re-establishing power in the Alliance for Purity. When Bagwell landed in Fox River ten months ago, its chapter of the Alliance was non-existent. Thanks to the charismatic “T-Bag,” it is now one of the most powerful gangs in the prison.

Once escaped from Fox River, it didn’t take long for T-Bag to start up old habits again. His first victim was Dr. Marvin Gudat, a veterinarian who had a small clinic in Illinois. T-Bag murdered Gudat after forcing him to provide impromptu medical care. His next victim was Jerry Curtin and his daughter Danielle. Curtin, a good Samaritan who gave T-Bag a ride from Nebraska to Utah, was brutally beaten in his hotel room after making sexual advances on his daughter.

From there T-Bag made it to Toole, Utah where he stole an archived map from the county clerk’s office and reunited with Michael Scofield and Lincoln Burrows to enter Jeanette Owens’ home in search of the D.B. Cooper money. He then made off with all of the cash.

Former C.O.’s Brad Bellick and Roy Geary apprehended T-Bag and tortured him in order to find the Westmoreland money. T-Bag was able to track down Geary and retrieve the cash. He then murdered Geary and framed Bellick.

T-Bag was last seen behind bars in Panama after Season 2.

NUJP: A greater issue is whether this government is truly committed to democracy and freedom

If anything, the brazen murder on Monday of Radyo ng Bayan reporter and operations supervisor Vicente Sumalpong in Bongao, Tawi-Tawi and the wounding of his colleague, Vema Antham, highlights once more the government's failure to act decisively to staunch the rampant bloodshed that has cast doubts on its ability and commitment to defend democracy and freedom.

Sumalpong was the fourth journalist murdered this year, the 53rd since this administration came to power in 2001 and the 90th since the supposed restoration of democracy in 1986. He is also the second member of the government-run network to be killed this year.

It is ironic that this latest assault on press freedom comes only 10 days after President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo asked media to "help" her build her legacy in the last three years of her term, going so far as to suggest how the press should spin reportage, commentary and even editorial slant to fit the image she wishes to be remembered by.

Doubly ironic because the deaths of our colleagues since 2001 have, indeed, helped Arroyo build a legacy - that of having the highest media death toll under any presidency, including the 14-year Marcos dictatorship, and more than the combined total of her three predecessors.

Again, we stress that we are not implying that the killings of journalists are part of any official policy.

But we also again reiterate our assertion that government inaction in stopping the killings and bringing those responsible - gunmen and masterminds both - to account makes it no less culpable than if it had actually pulled the trigger. For this inaction has bred the culture of impunity that has encouraged those who wish to silence press freedom in this country to carry out their attacks with increasing brazenness.

The issue here is not just the safety and lives of journalists. A greater issue is whether this government is truly committed to democracy and freedom.

Unless we see concrete action against journalists' killers and unless we hear an unequivocal order from the president to stop the deliberate targeting of the press, which we have long demanded from her, that commitment will ever be in doubt.

Joe Torres, NUJP chairman

Si Rizal, noon at ngayon

"Birthday" ni Rizal, kaya naisip kong magsulat tungkol sa bayaning limot na yata ng marami.

Natutuwa ako kay Rizal dahil siya lang ang "sikat" na taong kilala ko at binasa't pinag-aralan ang mga sinulat kahit na noong bata pa ako.

Sa aming bayan, doon sa Dapitan, kung saan ang lahat na daan ay nakapangalan sa mga tauhan ng mga nobela ni Rizal o mga sinulat niya (Mi Ultimo Adios Street ang daan papuntang sementeryo, Mi Retiro Street ang daan papasok sa sementeryo, at Maria Clara Street naman ang daan kung saan nanirahan ang maraming matandang dalaga), ang mamang taga-Laguna ay naging idolo naming mga batang naging tao noong panahon ng martial law.

Ipinanganak at tinuli ako sa Rizal Memorial Hospital, nag-aral sa Rizal Memorial Institute, nakaranas ng unang halik sa loob ng simbahan sa tabi ng marker na nagsasabing doon si Rizal tumatayo kapag nagsisimba sa araw ng Linggo, nakaunang yakap sa iniirog sa loob ng replica ng clinic ni Rizal sa Rizal Shrine, at nakaunang halik sa labi ng sinta sa "foot trails" ng Rizal Park.

Matindi ang tama ni Rizal sa buhay naming mga taga-Dapitan. At kahit na nagtitinda lang ako noon ng kangkong at nag-sasakristan sa simbahan, pinangarap kong sa University of Santo Tomas mag-aral para masundan ang yapak ng bayani. Pinagtawanan lang ako noon ng tatay ko.

Nakapag-aral nga ako sa unibersidad sa Espanya, Manila, sa tulong ng mga misyonerong Claretiano. Nang makuha ko ang "second prize" ng annual literary contest sa UST, tuwang-tuwa ako. "Second prize" din lang si Rizal noong sumali siya. Nadaya raw kasi. Baka nga ako gano'n din.

Nang tanungin ako ng mga pari kung saan ko gustong mag-aral ng Teyolohiya matapos ang aking kursong Pilosopiya, sabi ko sa Ateneo. "Bakit?" tanong ng mga pari. "Kasi nag-aral si Rizal doon."

Noong bagong salta pa lang akong Maynila, Fort Santiago at Luneta agad ang gustong kong puntahan. Doon nakulong at pinatay si idol e. 'Di ko rin pinalampas ang pagkakataon noon na madalaw ang bahay ni Rizal sa Laguna. Gusto ko pa nga sanang hanapin ang tsinelas na itinapon niya sa ilog nang minsang lumuwas sila ng Kuya Paciano niya sa Maynila.

At kahit na namulat na ang aking isipan sa buhay ng ibang mga bayani tulad nila Bonifacio, Del Pilar, Mabini, at iba pa, bumabalik pa rin ang mga aral na nakuha ko sa mga sinulat ni Rizal. Habang maraming aktibista ang nagsasabing si Bonifacio ang dapat maging idolo ng mga nakikibaka, si Rizal pa rin ang kumikiliti sa isipan ko.

Naging bahagi si Rizal ng aking paglaki. Siguro kong tinuli ako sa Bonifacio Memorial Hospital o kaya'y kasing laki ng bolo ni Bonifacio ang ipinang-tuli sa akin, baka si Boni ang aking maging idolo. Kahit nga 'pag nagsindi ako ng lampara sa gitna ng gabi para dumumi (third year high school na kasi ako nang magka-kuryente sa bayan namin), si Rizal pa rin ang nakikita ko - sa posporo.

Noong nasa ibang bansa naman ako nakipagsapalaran, naiisip ko pa rin si Rizal. Sa Chicago nalaman ko na nag-stop over pala ang mama noong panahon niya, sa Vienna naman hinanap ko sa archives ng isang unibersidad ang isang textbook sa medisina kung saan nandoon ang pangalan ni Rizal na nagkaroon pala ng ka-penpal sa Austria noon.

At kahit na nasa Middle East ako at nakipaglaban sa lumbay, naisip ko pa rin si Rizal. Siguro, tulad ng maraming OFW, naisip din ng ating bayani ang kanyang pamilya at mga mahal sa buhay na naiwan sa Maynila at Binan.

Sa Europa, kung saan naranasan ko ang lamig at napasyalan ang magagandang hardin, naalaala ko ang mga tulang ginawa ni Rizal. At kapag nakakakita ako ng mala-manika at matatangkad na mga dalaga sa ibang bansa, naitatanong ko sa sarili paano kaya nang-tsiks ang ating bida, e punggok naman siya.

Isa sa mga paborito kung tula na memoryado ko ang English version mula noong bata pa ako ay ang "Awit Ng Manlalakbay." Kung babasahin nyo ng mabuti, mapapansin nyo na kahit lumipas na ang mahigit isang-daang taon, ganon pa rin ang kalagayan ng mga Pinoy na nangingibang-bansa, ganon pa rin tulad sa panahon ni Rizal.

Kagaya ng dahong nalanta, nalagas,
Sinisiklut-siklot ng hanging marahas;
Abang manlalakbay ay wala nang liyag,
Layuin, kalulwa't bayang matatawag.

Hinahabul-habol yaong kapalarang
Mailap at hindi masunggab-sunggaban;
Magandang pag-asa'y kung nanlalabo man,
Siya'y patuloy ring patungo kung saan!

Sa udyok ng hindi nakikitang lakas,
Silanga't Kanlura'y kanyang nililipad,
Mga minamahal ay napapangarap,
Gayon din ang araw ng pamamanatag.

Sa pusod ng isang disyertong mapanglaw,
Siya'y maaaring doon na mamatay,
Limot ng daigdig at sariling bayan,
Kamtan nawa niya ang kapayapaan!

Dami ng sa kanya ay nangaiinggit,
Ibong naglalakbay sa buong daigdig,
Hindi nila tanto ang laki ng hapis
Na sa kanyang puso ay lumiligalig.

Kung sa mga tanging minahal sa buhay
Siya'y magbalik pa pagdating ng araw,
Makikita niya'y mga guho lamang
At puntod ng kanyang mga kaibigan.

Abang manlalakbay! Huwag nang magbalik,
Sa sariling baya'y wala kang katalik;
Bayaang ang puso ng iba'y umawit,
Lumaboy kang muli sa buong daigdig.

Abang manlalakbay! Bakit babalik pa?
Ang luhang iniukol sa iyo'y tuyo na;
Abang manlalakbay! Limutin ang dusa,
Sa hapis ng tao, mundo'y nagtatawa.

Si Richard

Tila may lambong na madilim na ulap ang mukha ni Richard nang una kong makita sa loob ng eroplano sa Frankfurt airport. Tila wala siyang pakiaalam sa kanyang paligid, nakalagay sa tenga ang earphone ng kanyang ipod, malayo ang kanyang paningin, ni hindi ako kinibo nang tabihan ko siya.

“Pauwi ka?” basag ko sa katahimikan habang umupo ako sa kanyang tabi. Huli na nang naisip ko na malaking katangahan ang tanong ko. Siyempre, wala sana siya sa loob ng eroplano kung hindi siya pauwi sa Pilipinas.

Subalit tumango si Richard bago ibaling ang paningin sa labas ng bintana ng eroplano. Nanahimik na rin ako. Malamig ang hangin at gusto ko ring matulog. Subalit makalipas ang ilang minuto, tinanggal ni Richard ang earphone, at nakipag-usap sa akin.

“Ilang taon kang di umuwi, sir?” tanong niya.

“Ilang linggo lang akong nawala. May pinuntahan lang na miting,” sabi ko sa kanya.

“Noong November din lang ako huling nasa atin. May emergency lang kaya ako uuwi,” sabi ni Richard, sabay lagay muli ng earphone sa tenga.

Umusad na ang eroplano at nagsimulang sumahimpapawid.

“Ayokong sumakay nang eroplano. Nakakatakot,” sabi ng aking katabi.

“Richard. Richard pala ang pangalan ko,” sabay abot ng kamay. Malamig ang kanyang palad, kasing lamig ng mga palad ko.

“Kinakabahan ka rin?” tanong niya.

Tumango ako. Takot din akong sumakay ng eroplano, amin ko sa kanya. “Nai-imagine ko kasi kung ano ang feeling kung bumagsak ang eroplano.”

“Nakakatakot talaga,” sabi niya. “Siguro, biglaan lang at wala na tayong mararamdaman.”

“Sana nga, para 'di masakit,” sabi ko.

“May pamilya ka?” muling pagbasag ko sa katahimikan habang hinihintay ang flight attendant na namimigay ng tinapay.

“Meron. Kaya ako uuwi,” sagot niya.

Nanatili akong tahimik. Nanahimik na rin si Richard. Nang lumingon ako, nakita kong humihikbi siya.

“Nanganak ang misis ko noong May 21,” kwento niya.

“Congrats,” sabi ko.

'Di siya kumibo.

“Kaya ako uuwi. Ayoko na sana e. Wala naman akong magawa at ayaw ng kumpanya ko. Pero naiisip ko ang asawa ko. Iyak siya ng iyak. Matagal na rin naming planong mag-kaanak. Pang-apat na-attempt na namin ito. Ngayon lang nakabuo. Kaya nga ako nag-abroad, para sa bata. Para sa kinabukasan niya,” sabi ni Richard, sabay punas ng luha na dahan-dahang nangilid sa kanyang mga mata.

Ayaw sana siyang pauwiin ng kanyang kumpanya, pero nang makita raw na umiiyak siya sa telepono, ang kanyang mga kasamahan na ang nakiusap na pababain na siya sa barko. Sa Russia sana siya bababa, sa St. Petersburg, pero delikado raw doon, kaya sa Helsinki na lang siya hinatid. Sumakay siya ng eroplano papuntang Frankfurt at doon kami nagkita.

Tatlumpung-isang taong gulang lang si Richard, dalawamput-pitong taon naman ang kanyang asawa. Halos limang taon na silang mag-asawa at maraming beses na silang nangarap na magkaroon ng anak.

“Tatlong beses na siyang nakunan,” sabi ni Richard.

Hotel and Restaurant Management ang natapos ni Richard, nalimutan ko naman kung ano ang kurso ng kanyang asawa, pero meron siyang trabaho hanggang umalis si Richard at nagdesisyon sila na huminto na lang muna sa trabaho si misis dahil maselan ang kanyang pagbubuntis.

Marami nang napasukang trabaho si Richard. Nakapunta na nga siya sa Singapore para mamasukan sa isang hotel. Pero nang magbuntis ang asawa, kailangan nila ng mas malaking pera. Kailangang paghandaan ang panganganak.

Sa tulong ng isang tiyuhin, nakasakay si Richard noong Nobyembre sa isang cruise ship na bumibiyahe sa Caribbean.

“Marami akong napasyalan na lugar, kahit na apat na oras lang siguro sa bawat pagdaong ng barko. Para nga kaming mga baliw, takbo ng takbo, pa-picture ng pa-picture para masabing napuntahan namin ang isang sikat na siyudad,” kwento niya sa akin.

Mahirap ang trabaho, sabi niya. 'Di raw maiwasan na minsan merong diskriminasyon. May panahon naman na halos lumubog daw ang barko dahil sa lakas ng alon. Akala niya mamamatay na raw siya.

Subalit dahil sa pagsisikap, na-promote si Richard at naging attendant sa upper deck. Nakakaitim nga lang daw dahil laging naiinitan at dumidikit ang tubig-dagat sa balat.

Para maaliw ang sarili at malimutan ang hirap sa trabaho, ang malalakas na alon na minsan ay humahampas sa barko, at ang pag-iisa, laging iniisip ni Richard na nasa tabi ang asawa at ang 'di pa isinilang na anak.

Kapag nakababa sa daungan, tumatakbo siya sa pinakamalapit na public phone para tumawag sa Pilipinas. Mahal daw kasi ang cell phone at kailangan niyang magtipid.

“Lagi kong ini-imagine na sa pag-uwi ko sa Disyembre, sasalubungin ako ni misis at karga ang anak namin. Ano kaya ang amoy ng ulo niya? Sino kaya ang kahawig? Kasing pogi ko kaya, sir?” sabi niya, sabay ngiti.

Hindi maipinta ang kanyang kaligayahan nang habang nasa laot ay nakatanggap siya ng tawag noong Mayo 21 na nanganak na nga ang asawa. Malaki ang gastos pero tiniis ni Richard. Naitago naman daw niya lahat ng kanyang kinita. Para raw ayaw lumubog ng araw ng gabing 'yon.

Premature ang bata nang lumabas. Maselan ang kalagayan ng asawa at ng sanggol. Halos isang-daang libong piso ang kanilang nagasta sa panganganak. Naka-incubator pa ang bata ng halos dalawang linggo.

Makalipas ang ilang araw, isang linggo mahigit, naideklara na maayos na ang lahat. Inilabas sa incubator ang bata at pinainom ng gatas ng nars.

At nangyari ang trahedya. Nasobrahan daw sa pagpainom ng gatas ang bata, ayon sa natanggap na ulat ni Richard. Meron namang nagsabi na may sakit daw sa baga ang bata. Hindi malaman ng batang ama ang mararamdaman.

“Naisip kong nababaliw na yata ako. Paano nangyari ‘yon? Ni hindi ko man lang siya nakita,” naiipit sa dibdib ni Richard ang mga salita. Nadurog ang kanyang mga pangarap, dumilim ang langit, sabi niya. Hindi niya malaman ang gagawin.

“Anong gagawin ko, sir?”

Mahigit limang oras kaming nagpalitan ng mga karanasan ni Richard. Sinabayan ko ang pagbaha ng kanyang luha. Iba man ang dahilan ng sakit ng aking dibdib, pilit kong dinama ang kanyang naramdaman. May luha pang nangilid sa kanyang mga mata nang huli kong silipin ang kanyan mukha.

Ginising ako ni Richard nang nasa China na kami para mag-refuel ang eroplano. Sabay na lang daw ako sa kanya dahil sasalubungin siya ng kanyang asawa at pamilya sa pagdating sa Maynila.

Sige, sabi ko. Gusto kong makilala ang kanyang mga mahal sa buhay, sabi ko sa kanya.

Nang nasa airport na kami, umatras ako. Hindi na mapalagay si Richard at naduwag na rin akong maging saksi sa mga luha at pigil na paghiyaw ng kanyang mga mahal sa buhay.

Ni hindi kami nagkapalitan ng mga contact number. Sabi niya taga-Valenzuela sila pero nasa Tondo nakaburol ang sanggol.

Huli kong nakita si Richard na yakap ang isang babaeng umiiyak. Haplos-haplos ng kaibigan ko ang likod ng kanyang asawa, habang lumuluha sa paligid ang sa tingin ko ay mga kamag-anak na hawak-hawak ang laylayan ng jacket ni Richard at ang bitbit niyang bag.

Naglakad ako palabas sa airport, sa gitna ng madilim na gabi. Maulap ang langit at tila nagbabadya ang malakas na ulan.