Wednesday, July 05, 2006

To Miss A... Good Luck

They’ve been in a relationship for eight years. For eight long years they shared dreams, ambitions, songs, prayers and, they believed, love.

Then one day, something went wrong. The guy had enough and walked out of the relationship. The girl said she did have mistakes but she admitted she still loves him. Tears flow. The girl’s eyes seemed to have never recovered from crying. The guy, well, he joined the barkada for a drink from time to time.

Three weeks later, she received a message. The guy wanted to talk. She said he wanted to iron things out. She was not sure whether he wanted to dry her tears and care for the heart, nay, the love, he broke three weeks ago.

When the girl came to the office this morning she tried to hide the excitement despite the teasing from colleagues. But one can see a glimmer of hope behind those tired eyes.

What will happen to their love story? Abangan!

Here’s an old email circulating in the internet about relationships.

To Miss A____ and Mr. I___, I tried to tweak the message a little bit to fit your situation.

Here’s to your love story.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies.

“Falling in love with your partner wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love because it's happening TO YOU.

“People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Think about the imagery of that expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

“Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of a relationship, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your partner’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

“The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your relationship, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

“At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Did I have the right person?" And as you and your partner reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. People blame their partner for their unhappiness and look outside their relationship for fulfillment.

“Fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, church, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

“But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

“I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN A RELATIONSHIP IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

“SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the expression "the labor of love." Because it takes time, effort, and energy, and most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your relationship work.

“Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner) to succeed with your life.

“Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make it stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

“Love is indeed a "decision"... not just a feeling.”

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